I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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