Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
