New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
