life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
