OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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