when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
