so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
