she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
