when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
