Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
