You smell like a Billy Joel song
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
