my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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