apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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