I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
