If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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