"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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