I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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