Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
