I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
