boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
