I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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