I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
