Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
