So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
