It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize