Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
