i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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