So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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