i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
