I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
