if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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