Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
