Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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