Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
