Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
