i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
