god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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