Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
