Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
