he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
