I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
