i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
