Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize