Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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