I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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