I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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