I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
