All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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