Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
