hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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