remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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