He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
