found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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