You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
