Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
