So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
