so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
