Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
