i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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