I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
