WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
